vic-o

Nigerian music has grown in recent times. This is an undeniable fact. At the same time, mediocrity is also becoming the order of the day as far as our music is concerned.

Since most youths are convinced that music is the fastest way to achieve fame and fortune, they are prepared to do anything, including blatantly copying each other’s work. For example, notice how when Lil Kesh released his hit song Shoki almost 70 per cent of the songs released during that period all sounded like Shoki or when Wizkid released Ojuelegba?

That said, below are 10 words and phrases that will immediately assist you in identifying a terrible Nigerian song.

1. “Girl, shake your asset/ukwu/bum bum/baka/ booty”

This phrase is self-explanatory. So I’ll just go to the next.

2. “Ibadi ni jo wa”

It’s like other parts of the body do not matter to our musicians. They all seem to focus on the butt. Someone needs to beg them to please, focus on another part of the body. Ask us to dance with our elbows or something.

3. “Baby”

We can allow this since it is better than hoes or bitches. However, some of us are getting tired of most musicians referring to every girl as ‘baby. it’s no longer cool.

4. “The girls now call me honey”

This goes hand in hand with “before, they called me monkey”. Totally stupid phrase. So predictable also. It has been so overused no one can stand it anymore, please stop. No more abeg.

5. “Before dem they call me monkey”

Dear artiste, you probably look like a monkey, and people are just stating things the way they see it, don’t take it personal, don’t feel slighted and please don’t use it in a song. It’s plain monkeish.

6. I can die for you

This is obviously a lie. After Jesus Christ, there is absolutely no human being that can die as a result of the romantic feelings he or she has for someone. This stated, I see no reason why this should be included in any song.

7. I pop bottles/champagne/Moet/Hennessey e.t.c

There is this clip making the rounds of a wannabe music star shooting a video and one of the models ‘mistakenly’ popped a bottle of champagne that they were showcasing. The star’s reaction was priceless! The so-called star immediately went ballistic! Accusing the model of trying to ruin him because apparently, he borrowed the bottles and he was supposed to return them untouched. Alas, some of our musicians are in the class of the star in the story above. If you can’t afford to pop the Hennessey you shamelessly mention in your songs, abeg leave that line out. It’s not by force.

8. I get money/mula/pepper/dollars/pounds Sigh

Another obvious point. On to the next one.

9. All ma lay lay lay lay lay lay lay ladies

When the first musician used this phrase, it was kinda cool. But when every Tom, Dick and Harry started infusing it in his or her song, it became un cool. Dear copy-copy artiste, find your own phrase and stick with it.

10. Unnecessary rhyming

This is not a phrase per say, but when a musician rhymes like this:

“My girl uses the best cream

So I had to reward her with ice cream

Then off we went to the stream

Living out our lives like it’s a dream”

What else can you do but judge the musician, the song, his record label and those affiliated with him as wack?